Girl's Best Friend

Anyone who has seen my Insta stories knows that I spend most of my days with an absolutely adorable pup named Jax.

A common misconception is that Jax is my dog, but in fact he belongs to my neighbor, who is kind enough to let me dog-sit during the day.

Jax was adopted during quarantine last year and when his person went back to work I was honored to be ask to walk him once a day.

One of the many special things about Jax is that he is a trained therapy dog. Jax originally belonged to a person who needed his special skills and has since retired to a home that doesn’t need to utilize those talents. Still, he’s used to being a constant companion so sitting at home all day waiting for a walk really wasn’t his style.

I wasn’t working when I first started walking Jax. Still attending outpatient treatment for a few hours each morning, walking Jax in the afternoons was the perfect little job for me.

Since Jax prefers to be with people and I prefer not to be alone, we were a match made in heaven.

Jax and I have been essentially inseparable Monday-Friday ever since. He even came to IOP with me a few times, he was a hit with the other patients.

I had no plans to start work until I passed my 90 day sobriety mark. I got recruited to interview for a position on the 75th day. A few weeks later, right before I was celebrated my 90 days, I was out walking Jax when I got the call for the job offer.

“Are you free to talk?” My future-boss asked me.

“As long as you don’t mind that I’m out walking my neighbor’s dog,” I said, knowing that the wind or sound of Jax’s happy trot was probably pretty obvious background noise.

When I accepted the offer, my only hesitation was Jax. I couldn’t imagine my days without him. But I had a real job offer now and I needed a real job. I’d be crazy not to take this opportunity just because I loved my dog-walking charge too much.

Thankfully the job was right up the street from our apartment, so I decided I would make both work. I’d head to work in the mornings and run home for lunch to take Jax on a lunch break walk. I was determined and Jax’s dad, ever-accommodating, agreed to a trial run.

As I’ll describe in an upcoming blog, my job has turned out to be my dream job. It has been the perfect fit for me. I love the work, I love the people, I love everything about it. Perhaps most importantly, it also gives me the flexibility to have a healthy work life balance, which is something I’ve been lacking pretty much my entire professional career. This job is the job I am meant to have.

To top it all off: all the people who work there are dog people. It wasn’t long until I figured this out and started considering bringing Jax into the office. Every week, as I fell more in love with the job, I’d hustle home at lunch to take Jax for our usual trip to the park. I’d return to the office refreshed, but missing my buddy. I hated knowing he was just sitting at home alone instead of hanging out with me.

When I found out that my predecessor often brought in her dog, even bringing in a ramp to put over the stairs to accommodate for him, I banked that information. I bided my time, wondering how long I should wait to ask my new boss if I could bring my neighbor’s dog to work with me.

I made it about four weeks.

The rest, is history. Within a week of his first visit, Jax’s presence at the office would be as expected at mine. If I left him at home, I’d be met by a disappointed chorus of “where’s Jax?” from my coworkers.

In the several months since he’s joined the staff, Jax has acquired two beds (one for my office, one for a co-worker’s) his own water bowl and a set of “office toys.” He sits in on staff meetings and has been slowly building a fan club of office patrons who come in specifically to visit him. He is the employee of the month, every month.

Blake likes to joke that he secretly pays Jax’s Dad to let me use Jax as my therapy dog. I’d be lying if I said he hasn’t made a big difference in my sobriety journey. He’s been there for me, the entire time.

On good days we celebrate in the sunshine with walks in the park or dance parties in my office. On bad days he knows to put a paw in my lap or just curl up with me when I’m working from home and have to take a minute to lie down before I get overtaken by shame gremlins or cognitive distortions.

My joke, is that he’s the best friend I’ve made since moving to Media. And I’m not really kidding about it, that dog is the best friend I’ve made in the nineish months that I’ve lived here.

At this point you’re probably seriously concerned. Is this girl really saying a dog is her best friend? This is really sad…

Don’t worry, I’m not a nutcase (well I am, but you know…) The reality is that I moved to a new city in the midst of a pandemic, not exactly an ideal set-up for meeting new friends. Besides, even if we were in normal times, I’d expect it to take more than a few months to build a serious and meaningful friendship. It isn’t as easy as it was in kindergarten.

There’s a book which explores this dilemma called MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search for a Best Friend. Author Rachel Bertsche is in a committed relationship, finally living in the same city as her boyfriend after stretches of long-distance, ultimately marrying him and building a life in their chosen home town of Chicago. The only problem? Her best friends are all back in the cities where she’d lived before.

Describing her dilemma, Bertsche wrote:

“But on a Sunday morning when I want to grab an omelet over girl talk, I’m at a loss… I’m looking for someone to invite to watch The Biggest Loser with me at the last minute or to text ‘pedicure in half an hour?’ on a Saturday morning. To me, that’s what BFFs are.”

When I read this book back in college, I had no idea the struggles author Bertsche was describing would one day be my own. And I definitely had no clue that on top of the challenges I was reading about, there would also be a global pandemic in which socializing with strangers was not ideal at best, downright dangerous at worst. Oh, and I definitely absolutely completely would have never guessed that I’d be doing this sober.

Yes, that is a factor in all this. When I was young and in a new city it was so easy to bond with a new girlfriend over a bottle of wine. Wine night was the perfect excuse to let down our guard, try to get to know each other and superficially bond over alcohol. I will say, I’ve been fortunate enough to build deep and meaningful friendships with some of the most amazing women throughout my life, but I did also just have those girlfriends who were just drinking friends. The ones who were my first call on a night I wanted to down a bottle of Yellowtail and talk about nothing substantial. The ones in my phone by first name only who I don’t keep in touch with anymore.

Now I’m not saying that you need alcohol to build friendships, that’s some bullshit alcohol marketing teams want you to believe and it is straight up absolutely not the case. In fact, I would argue it is the opposite. I have lost some seriously wonderful friendships because of my drinking.

What I take solace in is that now that I’m sober I have the opportunity to be a better person than I was in those friendships and to build new relationships with other sober women.

My point is that the easy go-tos available most women use while trying to make new friends at the ripe old age of thirty-something aren’t available to me. I can’t do what Bertsche did in her book and go on a series of blind friend dates at bars all across Philadelphia.

No, my friend hunt is actually much easier.

There are, actual groups of sober women that get together and welcome a girl who raises her hand and says “I’m new and lonely.”

I can’t tell you about them much more beyond that, but I can tell you that where I lack in opportunities to pick up a new chica at happy hour, I am rich in gatherings to find other sober women, who if I asked, would hand over their phone number and listen to me bitch about being lonely, newly sober and dog-obsessed.

And I’m sure, that once the world reopens and those gatherings resume, there will be plenty of opportunities to meet new friends there. Why am I so confident? Because it’s worked before.

One of my best friends in the world is from one of those meetings. We actually met one another over three years ago, in our first days of sobriety. We awkwardly got through the meeting, exchanged numbers and met for coffee before another meeting a week later.

Since then she’s become my person, sober sister and true friend and I’m so grateful for her. Sure, she doesn’t live in Pennsylvania, but honestly that’s okay.

I still have Jax.