Heavy

I really like my psychiatrist.

I’m lucky, because most people’s psychiatrists are just there to do a quick “med check,” but mine actually cares about me holistically. She proves it by asking not just about the meds I’m on, but about how I’m doing, how my sobriety is going, and how my side effects are impacting my mental health.

Because she dives into all of this, she knows I’ve been struggling with my weight for quite some time.

This probably isn’t a surprise based on all the baked goods I post on Instagram, but I’m a bit overweight.

I have been since the breakdown—since I moved to Massachusetts and got back on my Abilify. In fact, I kind of blame the Abilify, since it can lead to weight gain.

It’s something I’ve struggled with for years: that the medication that stabilizes me comes with this one big, very literal (for me) side effect. But my sanity is worth the sacrifice of a few extra pounds, I always tell myself.

Plus, I know there are things I can do to balance out this side effect. I know I could eat better and hit the Peloton more regularly. These are changes I’ve talked about making with my PCP, especially after my cholesterol came back high during my latest blood work.

So that’s what I’m trying now—and what I told my psychiatrist I was working on when we discussed my appetite and eating habits in detail.

“It still feels heightened,” I said, describing my appetite and the constant thoughts of food. Which was what prompted her to mention the possibility of a GLP-1.

It might be worth discussing a GLP-1 with my primary care doctor in a few months, she suggested, mentioning that it could help with some of the side effects from the Abilify “and the food noise you’re describing.”

I’d actually heard the term food noise before, over lunch with an acquaintance who had recently started a GLP-1. They described the constant humming in their head around food—how suddenly, with the GLP-1, it had gone radio silent.

I remember thinking how lovely that would be.

So, I was surprised to hear my psychiatrist bring it up.

I’d be lying if I said the zillions of ads everywhere right now for GLP-1s haven’t piqued my interest.

Still, a GLP-1 always seemed like something meant for someone else—not for me.

First of all, there are needles involved, and I hate needles.

Second, I really think I just need to eat fewer baked goods and lay off the buffalo chicken dip.

I can’t believe I’m admitting all of this on the internet, but one of my goals for the free time I have in unemployment is to write more and to get back to the roots of this blog.

I want to return to when it wasn’t just about writing, process, and writer's block, but about everything—including writing.

So here’s a first foray, with a hot and heavy topic to boot.