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Amanda Ayako


O Christmas Tree
We decorated our Christmas tree last night. There, in our shared home, Blake and I hung up the lights, bulbs, trinkets, and ornaments from our travels. I don’t know when we started this habit, but we’ve collected Christmas ornaments and coasters from places we’ve visited over the years. Like the tiny little teapot from Fortnum and Mason, where we had High Tea in London over the summer. And then there are the ornaments that carry heavier memories, the ones we picked up along t

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Apprehension
I used to write like I had nothing to lose. Then I lost everything. And I became apprehensive.

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Back Home
In June, I moved back to Media, PA. The place that prides itself as being "Everybody’s Hometown" is mine once again. And I couldn't be...

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Drinking dreams
I have drinking dreams sometimes Drinking nightmares, I call them. They’re dreams in which I take a drink and all hell ensues. Actually,...

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Jan 14, 20232 min read


Growing Pains
This past weekend would have been my grandmother’s 103rd birthday.

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Oct 28, 20216 min read


Moving
Can we all just agree that moving is the fucking worst? (Sorry for the adjective, Mom, but I feel it is warranted here.)

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Oct 14, 20214 min read


What's Next?
As I look ahead, my greatest priority is continuing the critical work I've been doing on myself.

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Oct 1, 20216 min read


My Story
On September 26th, by the grace of God, I celebrated one year of continuous sobriety from alcohol.

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Sep 29, 202112 min read


One. Year.
Yesterday marked 365 days of continuous sobriety for me. I am beyond grateful.

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Sep 27, 20213 min read


Dreams
I want to write a book. Lots of books, actually. I want to be an author.

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Sep 18, 20217 min read


Dear Alcohol,
I am done giving up everything for you.

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Aug 25, 20216 min read


Beyond my Wildest Dreams
Looking back over the past few weeks, I can’t help but stand dumbfounded in awe of how lucky I am and how blessed I’ve been.

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Jul 16, 20214 min read


Work from Rest
It has been a while. A long while filled with vacation, pneumonia, existential crises, soul-searching, self-discovery and a sh*t ton of ice

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Jul 14, 202111 min read


Gratitude
Having spent the last week surrounded by family, love and sunshine, I can’t help but be overwhelmed with gratitude.

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May 24, 20215 min read


Shame Gremlins, Isolation and the magic that is writing
I cannot tell you how many times I rewrote this piece prior to realizing that the shame gremlins had hijacked my brain.

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May 5, 20215 min read


Asian, Anonymous
Why are there so few Asians in recovery?

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Apr 30, 20217 min read


The Truest Most Beautiful Life
What is the truest most beautiful life you can imagine? It’s a question Glennon Doyle poses in her book “Untamed.” A book which I first...

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Apr 28, 20213 min read
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